As someone who falls into the 'hopelessly single' category, this particular holiday isn't for me! I usually get a little down & out because everyone else has a special someone in their life - receiving flowers, cards, jewelry, chocolates, etc. But, this year . . . I surprised myself. I mean, really SURPRISED myself! I don't know if it's because I've been 'shoveling crap' for the last few months and have more to worry about than whether I have a man in my life or not OR if I've just gotten comfortable & content with my situation.
Now, if you knew me 10 years ago, it was quite a different scenario. I had the opinion that I wasn't complete without a man in my life. I didn't think I had a great life because I lacked that. I cried A LOT over the state of my life in the relationship category. I've never really been a big 'dater' to begin with, though. I've only dated a handful (maybe a handful & a half) of guys in my ENTIRE life (all almost 32 years of it). I would've married 3 of them, which now . . . SCARES me (at least for 2 of them). I've been hurt & disappointed time and time again. A LOT of it MY fault - for 'falling' too quickly, for not getting the warning signs, for feeling like I was better off as long as I had someone in my life. Throughout the course of things, I've developed a distrust of people in general, but especially men.
I've joked with my friends over the last several years that God will have to strike me in the forehead with a lightning bolt to get my attention on "Mr. Right" (if that person really exists). I no longer focus on whether or not I have a man in my life. I'd rather be happy alone than miserable with someone. I've watched far too many people suffer in relationships of 'convenience' and I don't want that for my life. Don't get me wrong . . . I WANT to get married and have children, but I also WANT God's will for my life. So, I have focused more on Jennifer (me) and less on other things over the last couple of years. And, I think I've gotten into a place of complete contentment, which several years ago didn't even look like a possibility. I will say that I am proud of myself for that.
On this day of all-things-LOVE, I wanted to say how much I love my friends & family! The past couple of years have not been easy for me - losing two of the most important people in my life (my grandmother & my daddy), financial issues, self-esteem issues, family problems, etc. Through it all, there have been a circle of you (and YOU know who YOU are) who have NEVER faltered in your friendship. I've learned in the last few years that saying you're a friend and actually being a friend are two totally different things. But, I also believe that nobody comes into your life without a purpose & a reason. I suppose some people are only for a season, while others last a lifetime. To my 'lifetimes' - - - I love you very much!! Thank you for always being there to listen, support, encourage, laugh, cry, lean on, etc.
Today, I felt more love than I've felt in a long time. From the sweet e-cards to the snail mail cards to the chocolates, flowers, balloons, teddy bears & giftcards - - - it was ALL very much appreciated! It wasn't about the 'things,' though. It was about the love you showed to a friend. And, I will forever be grateful!!!!
I hope everyone reading this had a very Happy Valentine's Day and felt loved all day long. But, I also hope that you will feel loved every single minute of every single day. You never know what kind of impact a smile, a hug, a card, etc. will do for a person. I've been in a very low place lately & God knew that I needed some encouraging, especially on a day like today. So, YAY God!!!! And, a big thank you to all of my precious friends & family!!! I love, love, LOVE you!!!
Here's one of my favorite poems by Mother Teresa that I believe is so true. I hope you enjoy it!!!